Chaos and Comfort

I renamed my blog after running across Psalm 63. Verse 8 grabbed me: “My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” The words of that verse didn’t draw me in because I feel I do the clinging well. Sometimes I find it easy to press in and soak up everything He wants me to learn. But my story features a lot of loss. I’ve made some missteps along the way and, as my husband put it, I “stiff-armed” the Lord when I got lost in grief and couldn’t find my way out.

Like most young women, I assumed that I would have children. In fact, in my younger days I never cared about being a teacher or a writer or any other career–I just wanted to be a mom. We suffered a miscarriage on June 5, 2000. It would be the first of many.

We now have two beautiful daughters whom God chose for us through the blessing of adoption. I cannot describe the joy, after a painfully long wait, of scooping a baby up in my arms and saying, “Finally! Mine, mine, mine!!!” My Father gives good gifts to His children, and I learned the lesson of Psalm 119:75–“in faithfulness you have afflicted me.” My girls are unquestionably worth the years and tears.

I heard an evangelist say once, “That fish on your car? The Christian t-shirt you wear? That’s who you hope you are. But who you are is what happens when you’re squeezed. Who you really are is what comes out of you when pressure is applied.” I’ve seen some muck ooze out of me when I buckled under pressure, but I’ve also learned a lot as God has directed the cleanup effort.

So The Clingy Soul is who I hope to be. In my writing, I share things that God has taught me, and I have a dogged persistence about understanding His purpose in adversity. I hope you’ll find something here that gives you some insight into the challenges you face. Feel free to comment and share what you’re learning, or contact me if you’d like to ‘unpack’ some of this stuff.